Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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