At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
