I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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