Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize