The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
