I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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