I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
