You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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