Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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