I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
