There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Are we still banned from the library?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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