im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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