I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
