dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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