in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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