hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
