just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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