You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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