make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
