A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
