I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize