I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
