hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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