Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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