You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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