I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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