this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
