is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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