Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
