I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
well most of my day revolves around power hour
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
