Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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