Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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