Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
