i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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