I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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