after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
