Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
