i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
