Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize