Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
