We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
