Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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