How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
