You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
