Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They took my balls.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
