Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
