were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
