she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
