After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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