All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
