Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
