Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
