his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just gargled with NyQuil
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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