My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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