All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
