Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
