so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
