I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So many bounce houses so little time
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize