The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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