Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
smell my finger.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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