as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
