Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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