Where did you get a picture of my penis
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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