I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
