Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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