You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize