bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
