Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
