I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
They took my balls.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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